Ugh.

Ugh.
“I love myself”, I said. Choking back tears, trying to believe it.
But whom was I kidding?
I was fat, I wasn’t pretty, I had no friends, the list goes on.
I kept going though?
And to be honest, I really don't know why.
Because life isn’t easy for a 168 pound girl who loathes every cell in her body.
“I wish I was skinny”, I said.
“I would be so much happier”, I said.
But in reality, that’s not true.
Your body cons you into thinking that you’ll only be pretty when you’re 5’7”, 80lbs and have a body fat % of 01.
But
That’s a lie.
You can’t suddenly, magically wake up one day and love yourself.
Ive been trying to for almost 3 years.
I no longer believe that happiness is sudden.
I believe that’s life is a journey.
With mountains and valleys, rivers and droughts, cracks and crevasses.
Maybe, this is just a really big valley.
Or a really long drought.
Or even a really big crevasse.
Maybe, I’m a self loathing teenager right now.
But I can promise you, I won’t be a self loathing teenager forever.

28/01/15