Sunday 22 October 2017

Self Esteem.

Ugh.
“You’re so fat”
“Are you sure you’re done eating”
“Fattie”
“Could you eat anymore?”
Comments.
Do people realise how hurtful they are?
Do people realise that I’d kill to be curveless and 100lbs?
I hate this.
I hate me.
I preach self love, when the truth is, I don’t love myself. 
Preaching self love when you don't love yourself is like a catholic preist preaching the bible when behind closed doors he’s a Satanist.
I’d kill to be skinny.
I’m sick of this. 
Where’s my miracle? 
How could this happen to me? 
The skinny girl suddenly becomes the fat girl.
And suddenly she has no friends.
19/01/15

Thursday 2 March 2017

29 degrees of separation

"It's okay to be upset" She said
"We love you" He said
"It's not that bad" They said
"She's overreacting" He said
"He's a terrible person" She said
"I'm here for you" They said (they lied)
"We're here to help", They said
"All I want is no fighting" I said
"She's not that bad" He said
"Only you, I have to talk to" She said
"Kids aren't affected" They said
"All I want is him" She said
"You're overreacting" They said

07/09/16

Sunday 12 February 2017

Ugh.

Ugh.
“I love myself”, I said. Choking back tears, trying to believe it.
But whom was I kidding?
I was fat, I wasn’t pretty, I had no friends, the list goes on.
I kept going though?
And to be honest, I really don't know why.
Because life isn’t easy for a 168 pound girl who loathes every cell in her body.
“I wish I was skinny”, I said.
“I would be so much happier”, I said.
But in reality, that’s not true.
Your body cons you into thinking that you’ll only be pretty when you’re 5’7”, 80lbs and have a body fat % of 01.
But
That’s a lie.
You can’t suddenly, magically wake up one day and love yourself.
Ive been trying to for almost 3 years.
I no longer believe that happiness is sudden.
I believe that’s life is a journey.
With mountains and valleys, rivers and droughts, cracks and crevasses.
Maybe, this is just a really big valley.
Or a really long drought.
Or even a really big crevasse.
Maybe, I’m a self loathing teenager right now.
But I can promise you, I won’t be a self loathing teenager forever.
28/01/15

Three Cheers for Four Years

Year One;
“This is brutal”, I said.
“The world hates me”, I said. Little did I know that there were people who in fact, love me.

Year Two;
“This isn’t so bad”, I said.
“I love high school”, I said.
Little did I know, that mid way through the year, I would be at my lowest point.

Year Three;
“Everyone is only friends here because we see each other five times a week”, I said. 
“I want out of here”, I said.

To be continued…

Hi.

Hi, whether or not you've come onto this project by accident or on purpose, I want to say "Welcome!". I was inspired to create this as a place to put all of my little writings that I've written, after telling a friend that I've lost most of them over the years. Some of them may be a little dark, but I'm in a better place now. :)