Ugh.

Ugh.
“I love myself”, I said. Choking back tears, trying to believe it.
But whom was I kidding?
I was fat, I wasn’t pretty, I had no friends, the list goes on.
I kept going though?
And to be honest, I really don't know why.
Because life isn’t easy for a 168 pound girl who loathes every cell in her body.
“I wish I was skinny”, I said.
“I would be so much happier”, I said.
But in reality, that’s not true.
Your body cons you into thinking that you’ll only be pretty when you’re 5’7”, 80lbs and have a body fat % of 01.
But
That’s a lie.
You can’t suddenly, magically wake up one day and love yourself.
Ive been trying to for almost 3 years.
I no longer believe that happiness is sudden.
I believe that’s life is a journey.
With mountains and valleys, rivers and droughts, cracks and crevasses.
Maybe, this is just a really big valley.
Or a really long drought.
Or even a really big crevasse.
Maybe, I’m a self loathing teenager right now.
But I can promise you, I won’t be a self loathing teenager forever.

28/01/15

Three Cheers for Four Years

Year One;

“This is brutal”, I said.

“The world hates me”, I said. Little did I know that there were people who in fact, love me.

Year Two;

“This isn’t so bad”, I said.

“I love high school”, I said.

Little did I know, that mid way through the year, I would be at my lowest point.

Year Three;

“Everyone is only friends here because we see each other five times a week”, I said. 

“I want out of here”, I said.

To be continued…

Hi.

Hi, whether or not you've come onto this project by accident or on purpose, I want to say "Welcome!". I was inspired to create this as a place to put all of my little writings that I've written, after telling a friend that I've lost most of them over the years. Some of them may be a little dark, but I'm in a better place now. :)